Shouldn't Soap be Keeping You Clean?

There are a great many things that I just fail to understand about Lady Guttersnipe, a great many things and I'm sure we'll share more as time progresses. Today's particular observation is her strange love of the cosmetics shop Lush, I can hear fellow guttersnipes expressing their agreement already.

I'm terrified of this shop. On the rare occasions I've plucked up the courage to enter, as opposed to say something less daunting like volunteering to be hung, drawn and quartered, I've been overwhelmed by the stuff they get my charming Lady G. to buy.

Bath bombs - Apparently you put these things in the bath and they explode. Yes gentlemen, explode! Obviously someone recognised that there was a real market niche for a range of exploding soaps, and I would agree but you expect to find them on the shelf next to the exploding cigars and fart powder.

Blocks of shampoo and soap - None of them appearing to contain soap, they'd much rather contain Peruvian lava powder, Organic Cow Slime and Jaffa Cake and Ginger Nut exfoliant. If I am covered in Peruvian Lava podwer or Siberian Yak Vomit then it's a cue to have a shower, not the other way round. Aside from this they are huge. You can buy soap in 2 foot square blocks? Who needs a 2 foot block of soap? How do you rub a 2 foot block of soap into those awkward folds and creases that need mucking out? I looked on horrified as ladies who I appeared intelligent and of sound mind purchase 2 foot blocks of soap with dirt already in it. What's the point?

Ladies you baffle me, I'll be sticking with my bottle of Dove.