Man In The Bowler Hat - Part 2

As regular ranters may be aware I’m having a bit of a rum do with the Tax.

Having failed so far to secure last year’s repayment I’ve started to feel the economic pinch of late so I decided to make my claim for this year’s repayment, a more princely sum of £1,083 which I have apparently paid the man in the bowler hat in good faith and can rightly expect returned….

So on I log to the Government Gateway where I am duly informed that I can claim my repayment with one click, and entering the relevant bank details I therefore do so. I am then informed that I should receive money direct into my bank in 4-5 working days. Fair enough!

Maybe they’re not so bad after all.

Just as you thought it was safe.

I then received a message on Government Gateway saying:

“Dear Mr. Guttersnipe,

Unfortunately we cannot process your claim at this time and it has been passed to your Tax Office for further processing. Please allow 4-6 weeks for this to occur”.

4-6 weeks? I rang the Tax Office and got through to their late night call centre.

“Inland Revenue… monkey brained moron speaking, how can I help?”

Actually it would be unfair to refer to the Revenue's staff as monkey brained. Apparently an infinite number of monkeys in an infinite time could type the Complete Works of Shakespeare (preferably with Richard III omitted) however an infinite number of Revenue Call Centre of staff in an infinite time would have difficulty picking bits from their own arses.

I wanted to say “well you can give me my money you thieving twat” but I was more restrained and adopted the more usual blah blah related problem, heard frantic tapping of keys on the other side type of approach.

The upshot being that given the National Insurance issue I cannot get an automatic repayment and this will be looked at in 3-4 days rather than the quoted 4-6 weeks. So one asks (and rightly I think) “Well you’ve got my account up on the system in front of you, why don’t we go through it now?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Guttersnipe the system won’t allow me to do that. It will be looked at in 3-4 days when it comes through”

“Comes through? It’s through… you can see it. Why can’t we sort it out now?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Guttersnipe the system won’t allow me to do that. It will be looked at in 3-4 days when it comes through”

What is the point of a late night call centre that cannot do anything?

If you want to beat these people to death with your tax return… press ‘#’ now!