Do I Have 'LIAR' Stamped On My Head?

The phone rings….

“Hello Guttersnipe, do you have the file for Mr. X.?”

“Quick check… [rummage] [rummage] [rummage]… No sorry!”

“Are you sure? I need it for tomorrow morning”

What fecking difference does that make? Yes I am sure and the fact that you need it for tomorrow morning is not going to change the fact that I don’t have it!

What do these people expect me to say?

“Ah well since you need it for tomorrow morning I’ll stop pissing you about and bring it to your desk right away”

I am a busy man and I have neither the time nor inclination to lead you on a merry wild fecking goose chase for a file which I am sat on, giggling to myself while you start to fret about missed deadlines and possible job loss.

If I had it, I would tell you the first time.