It's called a PERSONAL stereo... Geddit?

Bus travel has many unpleasant elements, the chav kids gobbing on everyone, the elderly wetting themselves, the fact that I am apparently a complete bastard for having the gall to pay my fare with a £10 note. But these do not concern me today.

Now since the bus companies intervened and banned smoking on buses, apparently for my comfort and safety, I have elected to remain seated upstairs for bus travel. Parents do not generally bring their pushchair crammed with squawking parasites onto the top deck. An hour of peace is reasonably guaranteed. Until the fecking iPod crowd get on.

For the rest of my journey I am lambasted with apparently rhythmic hissing like someone has placed several rattlesnakes in a tumble dryer.

Jesus fecking Christ… I don’t want to listen to your ill-judged taste in music thank you very much, especially if that taste in music involves dance music, James Blunt or anything else that should be classified under UN regulations as a crime against humanity. I am trying to read. Quietly trying to read without getting up anyone else’s nose.

Do I stand at the front of the bus and read my book out aloud to you all? No… then why should I be forced to listen to that tinny, talentless bollocks that you call music. Maybe I should read to you.. some of you look like you’ve never seen past the Daily Mirror’s Sport pages.

A good kick in the iPods should sort these people out?