I Just Wanted To Read...

[Rustle rustle rustle]….

"BASTARD!" …

[Rustle rustle] ….

"ARSE"….

[Rustle rustle} …

"OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE."

Having had the due consideration to not monopolise the entire train table with me catching up on middle England’s unique brand of ranting I was trying to read a discarded Daily Mail in my own cramped corner of the train.

Now given that we can manage such astounding feats of technology such as radio transmission to the moon, ultrasound scanning equipment, the supersonic jet and the frozen pizza, can we please invent a newspaper that folds?

Please?

By the time I had attempted to read this newspaper without cracking the girl next to me a fine one round the chops or catapulting the Sudoku section into the gentleman opposite me I was attempting to read something I’d just screwed up.

There is an inviting crease line down the centre of all newspapers, can it not just fold down that line without me requiring a degree in civil engineering? The sports pages were at right angle to the rest of the news, the funnies were now upside down, the letters page had developed an enormous tear down the side of it and Guttersnipe of course was getting hot under the collar.

A collar I might add that now contained the Money pages and horoscope.

Is it too much to ask that I don’t need to do the Origami?