The Big Issue at Hand

One has to applaud anyone willing to work to earn their keep. The more people working the better in Guttersnipe’s opinion. However one has to draw the line somewhere… and that somewhere is usually outside the train station in an orange vest.

I speak of course of the scruffy prole trying to sell me the Big Issue.

I have bought the Big Issue once, I was young, naïve, I was at university and appearing as that sort of leftie persuasion gets you the girls. Yes I am that shallow… sue me.

I am older and wiser now and as such I do not want to read the Big Issue, it doesn’t matter how many times you ask me.. it’s not going to happen. The customer has spoken and apparently I’m led to believe the customer is always king.

What gets right up my snipes is the following example of a conversation:

“Big Issue Sir?”
“No thank you”
“Can you spare me any change?”

I’ve just declined to give the unwashed miscreant a pound or whatever it costs these days (and as soon as it became more expensive than Andrex I lost interest) in exchange for a magazine, what makes these people think I’m going to fork over my hard earned honest living in exchange for absolutely nothing at all?

Really… this doesn’t happen if you’re buying a car. You don’t get the chap at the dealership going:

“New Aston Martin sir?”
“No thank you”
“Well would you have £103,000 you could spare me?”

And where does this idea of spare money come from? Spare money?? How do I know if that money will not be required? I haven’t finished living my life yet. By all means guys, go through my pockets when I’m dead but for now I just don’t know.

They wear this orange thing stating “Working… not begging” well that’s just right royal bollocks.. it should say “working but still begging”.

And another thing (you start saying that a lot when you get older) I’ll walk past one of these parasites on my way to work at about 8.30 in the morning (yes for you students out there, there is an 8.30 in the morning as well) and I hear….

“By my last Big Issue Sir?”

The last one? Has he managed to sell out in a mere hour and a half? Holy hell… hire this man, his sales technique must be fantastic. If I employ him will I be a multi billionaire in the space of a fortnight?

Or could it be that he is just talking absolute arse. Checking back at 5.00pm and hearing the same thing proves this to be the case.

Ban them I say… I’m sure if you check the statistics there must be a good percentage of road fatalities caused by people crossing the road to avoid the orange leech of doom.