The Woman's Weekly

There was a day when the Woman’s Weekly magazine was well…. The Woman’s Weekly. Ah yes, halcyon days… it had the odd recipe, the knitting pattern and handy hints for ironing and the correct way to arrange your good man’s slippers of an evening.

Why to the good die young? What do we have now gentlemen? What is keeping our wives and girlfriends up to the minute with the latest they need to read as a successful parent and homemaker?

Yes, you’ve all seen them. I talk of things like Bella, Chat, Take a Break. Oh the horror, oh the inhumanity of it all.

Take time out for a moment dear Guttersnipes and go and look at your charming newsagent’s shelf of these things, there are about 20 of them and they all have these Real Life stories. Real Life? Jesus:

- I’m Shrinking! The Cuppa that led to 10 years of torment
- Killed for her lucky pants
- Neighbour bit off my nose

That dear Guttersnipes is merely the selection from this single edition


and there are 20 of these a week… ???

Given that this has 4 stories of people who frankly the genepool won’t miss and there are about 20 of these magazine where the hell do they find 80 people per week to fill these rags? Real Life? Thank the heavenly Lord I don’t appear to have a real life.

Then there’s the diets…. Oh pale waltzing lord the diets, apparently you too can eat all you want and wash it down with a pint of lard thanks to the miracle of the whatever the feck it is this week.

We get 20 WINNING WAYS TO GET SLIM AND STAY SLIM and oddly none of these 20 winning ways seems to involve moving more than you eat.

We have COMFORT FOOD WITHOUT THE CALORIES! Or alternatively ladies you could realise that if your latest young Guttersnipe has dumped you then ice cream and chocolate fudge is not going to bring him back… you’re going to stay single for a while, and when all that ice cream goes straight to your hips you’ll stay single for longer.

Look ladies, if you’re fat then move more than you eat. Simple!
I need something to read…