Unappreciated Good Deeds #1

“’scuse me mate I was wondering if you could help me out”

“Certainly… what can I do for you?”

“I need some money for a cup of tea”

“Oh I can help you there… there’s a café just inside the entrance there and it has a cash machine just next to it”

“Tight bastard!”

Some people are just blind ungrateful for help aren’t they?

It's A Matter of Principle You See...

I recently had call to go up to t’north where they all say “gradely” and “champion”. Not quite as far as where they all say “Why aye” and “Howay” but close nevertheless… so once again I found myself on a train. I duly turned up to the train station and bought a ticket, a ticket which I am led to believe entitles you to a seat on a train.

You would have thought wouldn’t you?

Alas all the seats were taken by other people, other people who saw fit to bring smaller, louder, other people with them. It was left to Guttersnipe here to stand.

Now Guttersnipe was taught in school that if you are young, able or working class then you stand up so that someone older, less able or posh can sit down. I wasn’t expecting tugged forelocks and a “bless ya squire” but I think I could be permitted the expectation of a nice sit down. When you get to my age you look forward to “a nice sit down”.

Alas I was destined to be as disappointed as someone who has won a week’s holiday with Jade Goody. I was left to stand.

However one should adapt and overcome when faced with inconvenience and I thought “Bugger this… If I’m standing then I’m standing in First Class!” and so I marched off happy in the knowledge that if I was standing then I was standing so people more deserving can sit down.

“Ticket please!”

“I’m sorry this is a standard class ticket and you’re in a First Class carriage.”

“Yes but I’m not sitting down. I’m standing”

“But this carriage is for first class passengers only”

“And a First Class ticket would buy me a seat in this carriage?”

“Yes… you can upgrade for a further £20”

“No thanks.. I’m happy standing”

“But this is a First Class carriage Sir”

“Yes but I’m not sitting down am I? I’m standing on the carpet. The same carpet, I might add, that you have in the Standard carriages. If you’re going to charge me £20 extra for standing here then I insist that there is an improved carpet, it’s a simple value for money thing you understand.”

This continued for a further 15 minutes, at which time I got off the train, the shield of justice firmly attached to my arm.

That's Amore....

My pizza arrives….. words cannot explain how much I look forward to pizzaas hand delivered by our local take away. But given that this is a blog, they’ll have to…

I look forward to them a lot.

Wide as you can, all hint of vegetables removed and pepperoni replaced in the gaps the veg left behind. I can then curl up on the sofa with the delightful Lady Guttersnipe and watch CSI, or if Lady Guttersnipe’s out doing girl things then maybe an interesting documentary DVD about Japanese Cheerleaders, the entertainment world being my oyster.

It is of the CSI nights that I refer to here…

“Your pizza smells gorgeous”

“Yes it does doesn’t it? I’m now going to enjoy it in such a manner that you could be mistaken for thinking I’m impersonating a dying walrus”

“Can I have a slice?”

And so it begins… the ever circular battle of wits, the highlander style duel fought through time until there can only be one. Myself and the delightful Lady Guttersnipe have been together for some time now and I’m hard pressed to recall a time where I have had an entire pizza.

“No you can’t”

“Pleeeaaaasssee”

“If you wanted pizza I would have bought you pizza”

“I don’t want a pizza I just want a slice of pizza, surely you don’t begrudge me a slice”

“I don’t begrudge you a slice… just please have a slice of your own”

At this moment “puppy dog eyes” are used… Hah! Guttersnipe is immune, after all Pit Bulls were puppies once..

I will fight, I will cave, I will sulk, and I will continue to enjoy a pizza now deficient to the tune of 1 slice.

And so the cycle continue…